We Need a Reality Check
Is confirmation bias making fools of us all?
“We see the world not as it is but as we are” - Anaïs Nin
I recently shared this article on Facebook, highlighting how most of us are seeing a different online world than those we disagree with because of the power of algorithms. Alongside algorithms driving specific content that aligns with what we’ve liked and viewed, we also have a natural tendency to lean towards information that fits within our already held views. This tendency is, as many of you will have probably have come across, is called confirmation bias. It is so powerful that even when we do meet information that contradicts what we already think, we tend to interpret it in a way that still fits within our view on reality. Humans are also very good at being comfortable with holding contradictory ideas, a phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance.
Adjusting what we think and allowing new information in takes some effort, can be uncomfortable, and, on top of the social pressures we often feel to hold certain concepts as “truth”, changing position to accommodate new ideas can come with some cost. This is one of the reasons why we humans often can’t take advice or being told what to do, especially if it means we have to take on a new idea. David Rock, author of Quiet Leadership writes,
“Changing the way people think is one of the tougher challenges of leadership, as people tend to fight hard to hold on to their view of the world.”
When we are engaging with others, especially those we disagree with, we are asking them to change their reality to fit with ours. It is why, especially online, both sides most often dig in rather than come to some form of agreement other than to agree to remain in disagreement.
It is only when we are in a safe place with a safe person that we can tend to allow new ideas in. This is also the danger of online, because the safe place may be a quiet space at home, and the apparently safe person with new ideas is a total stranger online affirming everything we already believe!
This is where coaching, and coaching skills, can be beneficial when helping people think more deeply and critically. We all need to regularly check that how we view reality is how reality actually is, but we need to be in a position to receive anything contradictory without becoming defensive and/or dismissive. Having space to talk things through, without judgement or moralising responses, to be asked questions rather than be told what to think, to take responsibility for decisions made, and have beliefs healthily challenged, is what a coaching session is all about. While engaging with people daily isn’t the same as an official coaching session, the same skills can be implemented in a way that helps build trust, avoids being overly judgemental, avoids taking on responsibility for someone else’s conclusions and decisions, and allows for better conversations.
Fully overcoming our biases and dissonance is unlikely if not impossible, especially alone, but being more aware of them, having spa is a vital skill for developing leaders and improving relationships both in social and work environments.
How well do you listen to others, or are you quick to tell others what you think?
When was the last time you had someone help you think through an issue without telling you what to think?
Do you have someone who you trust to ask questions that can challenge you but allow you to make your own conclusions?
If learning how to listen better, have better conversations, ask better questions, lead others without micromanaging and taking on unhealthy responsibility, and reflect on thinking more critically, then hit subscribe as that is what I’m aiming to be sharing more of here.
I’m currently offering free coaching sessions as part of my qualification. If you’d like to explore what a coaching session looks like please get in touch.